Today, November 9 2016, has been the saddest day in my entire life. I woke up this morning, after three hours of restless sleep, with the heaviest of hearts, in a catatonic state. I walked to the subway with lead shoes. I met a woman’s eyes – she also wore all black – and they were shiny with tears. I mustered the smallest smile of empathy, she reflected it, and I broke down into racking sobs – right there, in the subway car.
I hadn’t been able to stomach breakfast, but I thought a stop in Whole Foods might cheer me up. I hoped my love of psuedo-healthy food might shine through the darkness, but I barely remember strolling the aisles, the haze of disbelief was so thick. I slouched into the very place I had so triumphantly marched the day before, so weak that I could barely muster the energy to take off my coat. I sank, for a moment, into the realization that I have never, ever felt this level of acute depression before.
On my subway ride back home, a white, handicapped man – wearing red, white and blue – sat right next to me and read a triumphant article of Trump’s win. He smiled, and I could not contain my disgust. It crept up my body, filled every crevice with malice, and I felt paralyzed. I met the tear-soaked eyes of another woman, and we both burst into tears. The beauty of this moment was not lost on me. Humanity has taken a blow, but we are mourning together.
I am bereft. I am lost. I am terrified. I am furious.
We have elected a man who has raped his ex-wife. We have elected a Congress that will strip away our rights. We have failed our country, we have failed our people, we have failed the world.
All the women.
In me.
Are tired.
