As a human, marinating in a culture with its own ideals and prejudices, I cannot help but be biased. I am doing my best to rid myself of the ones that I notice and do not care for, but some are harder to discard than others. Recently, I noticed a very clear bias within the kink world for me: I am dismissive, and perhaps even disdainful, of people who refuse to switch, even just once. I recognize, rationally, that everyone’s sexuality is different and that we should all be free to experience the aspects of our sexuality that feel right for us. But when someone tells me that (s)he doesn’t want to experience a sensation that might be novel and interesting because (s)he’s “more of a top”, I can’t help but raise my eyebrows in dismay.
I spent the years before exploring kink believing that I was probably a submissive. Obviously, because I’m female, that idea is branded into my brain from the moment I begin to acknowledge my sexuality. The idea of dominating a man felt absolutely alien; given my laissez-faire attitude toward pretty much everything in life, I figured there was no chance I’d have the personality for sexual dominance. But when I came across someone who wanted me to try it, I figured, why the hell not? and I gave it a go. It was awkward and confusing at first, sure. But I knew I’d stumbled across something utterly awesome; I never want that curious, experimental, GGG part of me to wither.
Many dominants refuse to play the submissive role. I get it – you’re programmed one way and the idea of switching just doesn’t do it for you. Fine. But what good is ruling out a whole uncharted aspect of yourself? What if you discover something wonderful, some new source of pleasure, some thrilling adventure? Or, if you hate it, what harm came from experiencing some of what your partner feels? I’ve never understood how people can so easily dismiss something they’ve never tried.
Then again, I’ve never pooped on someone – and I don’t intend to. So perhaps I’m just as close-minded as the rest of them.
